Ayelen’s Arrival

Scene of performers Lido Pimienta, Ximena Huizi and Manuel Rodriguez Saenz dancing and singing in traditional clothing and face paint. The text reads "El Renacer no es facil tu y yo nos conocimos donde la oscuridad imploro mi llegada re elegi eres producto mio y yo tuyo momento de sangre, carne y amor"

By: Fiya Bruxa

Above: Scene from Ayelen featuring performers Lido Pimienta, Ximena Huizi, Manuel Rodriguez Saenz, and costume design by Shalak Attack. Photo by Akipari. 

Ayelen, a love story in the midst of mining exploitation, in which the only way to find peace was to heal open wounds. Ayelen was a script I wrote and directed by piecing together images of spirits, animals and scenes that had appeared in my dreams. It was a story that trespassed dimensions and arrived in this realm to be heard. It was a journey manifested into magical realism.

Over a span of five years, a female eagle came to visit me in dreams. Her name was Ayelen. She always arrived when I least expected her, sometimes months, even years would pass without hearing from her. Little by little, as moons passed and I slept, she came to tell me her story. By the time her last visits came around, she spoke so clearly that I could no longer deny her voice. And so began the process of gathering all that she had shared with me and writing it down.

In a back and forth dance between the dream world and this world, began the transcription of ephemeral imagery. And because dreams are not binary, nor dialectical, I simply had the task of revealing them in written form. Ayelen spoke; the first step to creating this story was simply to listen. Between colourful wings and tied wings, cries and freedom, she told me her story of trees and rivers, of caves and skies, of love and loss. The challenge here was not knowing if I had chosen the best literal interpretation of the abstract images I had witnessed while asleep. I simply had to trust that the story would manifest in its most authentic state.

I chose to weave the dream imagery into a tapestry that also included factual research reflective of this realm planet earth, more specifically the mining industry. It is here that the dream images of caves and birds were woven together with mining exploitation. Dreams are not defined in morality, and therefore my intention with Ayelen was also not a moral one. Ayelen was simply a poetic reflection of our humanity in the context of our ever lasting obsession with mining and the effects it inevitably has on our ecosystems. Ayelen was a manifestation of oppression, love and healing.

We are a frenzied society validated by our utility, where our happiness is measured in economic terms. We move full speed ahead with consumption, and appease our egos with every purchase we make. With a constant outward gaze, whether it be via consumption, commodifying our “success”, or obsessively giving ourselves labels in order to categorically feel empowered in the gaze of others, we often don’t let ourselves sit still and reconnect. We are told to move quickly and to produce quickly, in order to be constantly validated. Since it is difficult to commodify authentic spirituality, we are also taught to ignore the ephemeral, the magical, the esoteric. Yet, there is something priceless and infinitely reflective of love, when we trust a creative journey.

Above:“Kemé” by Fiya Bruxa, 2014, from the painting series Ayelen [

In a timeless space of dreams, where utility is obsolete, we may find magic that awakens our centre. With no rational explanation other than simply listening to an ephemeral dream world, a vibration is felt, a fire is lit, and a story is told. Ayelen was this vibration, this wave that shook an equilibrium and by doing so brought healing. I use the word healing, because I felt my inner growth in relation to the creation of this story. I was also witness to the emotive feedback from audience members who expressed healing from watching the production of this story. Being classically trained in theatre, and having worked for years in the industries of theatre, television, and film, I am aware of the formulas, of the rational calculations, and of the formatting that is required to satisfy industry norms. And yet, when Ayelen arrived she was not the status quo. She came as medicine, as a healer. She did not come as a rational package or linear storyline. She came in abstract form. And she did not give up, returning time and time again, until her story had manifested in this world. It is this essence of unexplainable fleeting magic that is a reminder that medicine comes to us in different forms.

We all travel to the realm of dreams and witness unique images, and if we so choose to embrace this journey and share that vulnerable state with others, something magical can happen. Sometimes we have to trust that creation falls outside of time, utility, and commodity. It is delicate, and we must be careful, as with all creation, that it contribute to good medicine, so that we may all heal together. En un mar de sueños, donde todos los dormidos, con ojos cerrados y almas despiertas, viajamos por dimensiones surrealistas, es posible lograr escuchar los susurros de verdades eternos y sanar nuestras heridas.

Thank you to the numerous dreams, and to the various theatre companies, festivals, artists and elders that have supported this script. Thank you Alameda Theatre, Aluna Theatre, Native Earth, Nightwood Theatre, Criminal Theatre, SummerWorks Festival, Caminos Festival and Theatre Ontario, Rosa Laborde, Solange Ribeiro, Ximena Huizi, Lido Pimienta, Marcelo Arroyo, Ohm Shanti, Manuel Rodriguez Saenz, Andre du Toit, Shalak Attack, Bruno Smoky, Brandon Valdivia, Omar Cito Perez, Rodrigo Ardiles, May Truong and Ale Monreal. Thank you Ayelen for trusting me with your story.


Fiya bRUXA
Fiya Bruxa is an international award win- ning visual artist, actress, lmmaker, and writer. Her artistic vision pays homage to those who have, or continue to, overcome adversity.

Darkness – The Void of Possibility

Excerpt from the upcoming e-book “Quantum Healing: Changing the Stories We Tell Ourselves.

by Sharrae Lyon

Illustration by Eli

When I think of darkness, two things comes to mind. That of the Hindu goddess Aditi and the many nights I spent as a child afraid of the bumps, the eerie shadows. One representation of darkness is expansive, the other an experience of fear, replicated in other life experiences portrayed as real dangers.

I’ll start with my nighttime childhood experiences.

Actually, I wasn’t entirely afraid of the dark. I never wanted to go to sleep and spent my nights watching television with my mother. When I would retire into my room, I would lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling where glow-in-the dark stars would reflect back at me. I liked nothing more than standing under a starry sky and feeling so tiny and insignificant, but in total awe that I could possibly exist.Night was in some senses, enjoyable. But it also unearthed many fears of being kidnapped and alien abductions. This probably didn’t help that I watched The Learning Network’s (TLC)’s primetime programming that always talked about serial killers and aliens! I remember lying in bed, unable to sleep, recounting the possibilities that something bad could happen. I’d look over to my wall, and I would see a shadow bouncing on it’s surface, my ears told me that there was something rustling out my window. I would lie there, frozen, petrified. But I decided that I needed to see for myself what was dancing on my wall. I slowly took off the covers and sat on my knees and gently peered through my window. To my total relief there was nothing but a tree outside my window, and of course it was its branches that were playing on my bedroom wall. I would sigh in relief and my ever-pattering heart would slow down and I would drift softly to sleep.

I think as children we all had these monsters in the closet type scenarios. We live in a society that conditions us to fear the dark. In fact, our obsession with escaping the dark can be seen in our need to always have artificial light to make us feel safe and comfortable. It almost seems that we as little children have actually not grown up. This is the case for those who live in urban. For those of us who live in the country, the darkness covers like a blanket. A moment to retire, to slow down and regenerate towards the next day.

Indigenous cultures all throughout the world have remarkable understandings of the rhythms and purposes of the sun and moon. All of which align with their own community connection to the cosmos. In no way is fear and darkness synonymous entities, but the darkness, much like fear are lessons, messages for us to look deeper at who we are, and what drives us forward.

Aditi, The Hindu Mother of the Sky, the Mother of all the planets, galaxies, she is the Mother of all Life. It is through her dark womb that all is dreamed and born. She is the embodiment of Time and Space. The Mother of what we know to be the zodiac. She is the Darkness, the Void and within her endless black darkness of space, lies all possibilities. She is the Mother of the Past and the Future and it is through connecting to the dark reaches of our soul, that we can birth the Light.

I have lived with anxiety and depression, having many bouts and episodes. As I’ve aged and deepened my spiritual practice, some truths have come to light. Three of which will be the premise for this e-book.

  1. Our fears are actually clues to our deepest desires 
  2.  We do have the capacity to control our mind, and thus impact our feelings and lastly change our behaviours.
  3. Love transforms all.

When we are moving in and out of our days experiencing high levels of stress and anxiety, we are in essence living unhappily. We feel that we don’t have control over our lives. We look at our defeats and lose all confidence that we are able to deal with the complexities of life. We may look also at our triumphs and accomplishments and they may make us feel better for some time, but something just doesn’t seem to stick.

Many spiritual traditions talk about the importance of learning how to transcend our circumstances, to ascend to a transcendent consciousness, one that builds our mental, emotional and spiritual resilience.

But how the hell does one do that?

Starting With Self — So within, So without

Indigenous traditions understood that we as humans have the power to self-heal. We once lived intimately with nature, understanding that we were one with nature. We didn’t see ourselves as separate or above plants, animals or other creatures. Instead, we had a great respect to the many beings that existed, and found ways to co-exist. When we needed the meat for survival, or to pick plants and herbs we always expressed gratitude in the form of prayer, not only to whatever name of the Creator we had, but also to the animal or plant that sacrificed themselves to us.

Of course there has always been periods of history where this was not the case. It is so important not to essentialize indigenous cultures or to blame solely European colonization for the ills that we have today. However, the events of European colonization and enslavement of indigenous, African, Asian peoples plays a more vivid role in our contemporary means of existing. But even with this being said, there are others who may not function from this lens. In order for us to move forward towards a harmonious future, we need to develop the capacity whereby we do not force perspectives on each other. Though, because there does exist pockets in our society that desire to spread fear and division, it is important to name it when doing the work of undoing unhealthy patterns to come back to our communities more strong and capable of standing to the values of truth, love and harmony.

However, to change our circumstances, we must do the difficult work of traveling within. In indigenous understandings of the intricate relationship between the individual and the external, they all say that what is experienced in the Self, is experienced without.

But what exactly is the Self?

If we are to accept that we are Human, which is by no means a low status of being, we will need to start to recognize the powerful role that we play in this natural world. We have to begin to challenge the notions that we have been fed of limitation and constraint. To be human, is in fact to be a representation of divinity. However, because we live in a high consumer culture that would rather have us dumbed down and distracted with junk that doesn’t feed or nurturer us, whether that be in food or culture of consumption, we have to struggle to remember who exactly we are. You are not your possessions, you are not what you do, you are not an identity, you are a Being that is consistent of the ingredients of the five elements: water — your blood, semen, saliva, fire— , earth—-, wind—your mind, thoughts, and metal. You consist of a body, a mind and a Soul/Spirit. When we are fed things that do not feed our minds, or bodies and spirits, we become sick. When we are surrounded in environments that do not nurture us, we become sick. When we are sick, we descend into a darkness, we land in perhaps the most fertile soil. The soil of change and transformation.

The first step to healing our lives is by taking responsibility and acknowledging the fact that all the things that seem to consistently be misshaping comes down to us. We cannot blame anyone for where we are, because we are where we are due to the ways that we have respond to all that happens to us. In fact, we cannot even blame ourselves. We have to just accept where it is that we are and give ourselves the permission to move forward. There will be days that will feel like you are going backward, but just keep on moving.

Stillness in motion. Motion in stillness.

I speak from experience. I have felt beaten down after losing jobs, being betrayed, surviving toxic and abusive relationships. It wasn’t until after one particular relationship that literally threw me in the ring when it came to psychological and emotional trauma that I had to say — “wait one minute, how did I get here? To this place where I would allow someone to literally come into my own home and dump upon me all their own warped traumas?” I had integrated their false claims of who I was and identified with it. I had lost a sense of who it is that I truly was. It was tough and it influenced many areas of my life. However, what I didn’t know in the moment that I was experiencing it, is that it actually was preparing me for an entirely new chapter of my life. A chapter that I am only beginning to surrender to and unfold. If it were not for that relationship, I perhaps would still be living my life, an artist not practicing her art, living in a city that didn’t inspire her. Since that relationship I have gone up and down in establishing balance within myself. I still have bouts of depression and anxiety, but with each episode I learn more skills of not only how to cope, but also how to gain balance and solidity. In my dive into my mind and emotions, in addition to establishing a spiritual practice, I learn the teachings of the powers of love, the interwoven co-existence of light and dark, and the ability to greatly transform.

All we gotta do, is let go.

When I realized that it is the pillars of beliefs that I hold and the attached thoughts that are used to uphold those beliefs that were dictating my life, I took it upon me to dive deep and challenge these beliefs. I’ve recognized that many of the beliefs that I have been operating under actually were never mine to begin with, but were adopted by family conditioning, a current friend group, or absorbing other elements of society. I consistently have to challenge my notions around purpose, love and relationships, what is possible, by asking myself the question: what is it that I want to believe? What is that I want to create?

It is there that we begin the journey of healing our lives. It is then, that we realize that we are our own medicine.


Sharrae Lyon
Sharrae Lyon is a facilitator, writer, filmmaker and public speaker. Her work is grounded in  reframing mental health as transformation. To inquire about current workshops, contact her at sharraelyon@gmail.com.

Eli
Eli is queer artist residing in Toronto. They are an aspiring illustrator and writer. You can contact them at piscesprincx@gmail.com. Check out their bigcartel: @piscesprincx , or their instagram, twitter and tumblr by the same names