by Jes Saches 

there was this time this time that I woke up last summer and I couldn’t move my left foot it was sleeping so I waited thinking it would wake up in an hour two hours three hours but it was still asleep I’m disabled but this is new so in order to not trip I marched around my house careful to lift my foot before the step lift before the step

I went to the emergency room that I could walk to I mean march to I marched to st. joes to sit and wait among lots of poor and crazy people like me. receptionist asks what I do during intake I say that I am an artist she replies are you on social assistance I understand what she means yes I am that too

I waited with tender able-bodied white queer that insisted on coming with me who insisted on inviting their tender able-bodied white queer partner who then had to leave to go to yoga said the hospital was triggering and left me with tender able-bodied white queer partner sat for hours nurse asks if my foot has always been like that asks if I tripped asks if injured myself no it hasn’t no I didn’t no

doctor comes in says wow you have scoliosis yes I say I also say all the vernacular of my healing point to foot and name it with words like distal and articulate anatomy. he says it’s probably not a stroke or a tumour but ‘never say never!’ if I want a CT just in case I can have one haha he thinks it’s funny

I go home to worry about my permanence and tender able-bodied white queer partner leaves later texts me after other queer’s yoga that they want me to come over and have snacks and watch buffy that is nice I thought but then later they text me to say no do not come over to watch buffy we are triggered by the hospital

I go again to another hospital this time I must wait for an MRI there is only one MRI spot for emergencies it is at 5am oh no 5am but it is 1pm I am so hungry. I am at trinity western and I realize I am close to mc d’s so I tell facebook that I am very hungry for chicken nuggets and maybe if someone is nearby if they don’t mind I would like ten nugs and bbq sauce but don’t worry it’s not too serious I don’t actually need nugs

so many people respond not the two tender white able-bodied queers but other queers who seem to understand that I am alone so I take a selfie with the nuggets because I think that is nice to not be alone and to not be hungry

I get an MRI at 5am after a nurse spends ten minutes trying to take out my nipple piercing it is stuck because I got it in 2007 and the MRI is a big magnet she apologizes that my nipple is raw I laugh I say you can just cut it off I don’t need it she says ‘but I want to respect your body jewelry’ who is this nurse who taught her to say that I wonder

 

 jes sachse

jes sachse

jes sachse is at the forefront of a renewal of disability art, justice and culture in Canada. Presently living in Toronto, jes is an artist, writer and performer whose work focuses on disability culture in ways that refuse to reduce or bracket out the messy complexities of difference.  Their work & writing has appeared in NOW Magazine, The Peak, C Magazine, CV2 -The Canadian Journal of Poetry and Critical Writing, Mobilizing Metaphor: Art, Culture and Disability Activism in Canada, and the 40th Anniversary Edition of Our Bodies, Ourselves.